Back in 2009 my husband and I filed for a divorce and agreed to joint physical and legal custody of our then 5 year old daughter. My ex-husband was a stable man with a job, a home and no history of drug abuse or any issues whatsoever. We filed our case in The Circuit Court of Mobile County and the Judge assigned to our case, Judge Rosemary Chambers denied our request for joint custody six times stating that I, the mother should have full custody with my ex-husband receiving every other weekend visitation only. She NEVER gave any more of a logical reasoning with only that same statement each time we were rejected. We could not understand her logic or how she could possibly believe that our child seeing her father every other weekend was in her best interest, so with our best efforts, agreeing to a change in venue, we removed our case to Baldwin County which did agree and awarded Joint Custody for her best interest. This can only be done if both parties agree. My daughter is now almost eight years old. She is a straight A student and spends two days with me and two days with her father. She is very healthy and very happy and has adjusted quite resiliently to the changes for what is truly in her best interest.
Now on the other foot, again in the Circuit Court of Mobile County, Alabama and again in front of Judge Rosemary Chambers, my current husband fights to have rights to his children. He and his wife filed for divorce and he was awarded every other weekend. She was 8 months pregnant by another man when they went to court and the Judge didn’t even care. Judge Chambers awarded the mother full custody. The mother does not allow him to see his children at any other times other than what is stated in the paper. She uses them as a bargaining tool to get what she wants. Her attorney and the Judge are best friends and do whatever they choose to do without regards to the fact that the children are ultimately suffering long term by not being allowed to have their father’s influence (two boys). The mother has on numerous occasions denied him visitation rights and never found in contempt. She was found guilty of domestic violence charges on us recently and when we asked the courts to modify their visitation schedule to keep contact with her minimal by picking them up from daycare as opposed to the mothers house, the judge reduced his visitation. I cannot understand how anyone would think it is in the best interest of any child to not have both their parents in their lives (if suitable) full-time and jointly. We have been fighting this losing battle while every time that we go to court and lose, his ex-wife tells everyone that she “won” everything, yet what she doesn’t understand is her children are ultimately losing and she doesn’t even care, so long as she is winning. Judges have too much discretion and show direct favortism to certain attorneys. As you can see I have been on both sides of the fence and I believe in what is in “the best interest” of any child is to have both parents actively and jointly.
My ex-husband and I do not always agree, but the one thing that we are able to do is to agree to disagree and to agree that it doesn’t matter what we want, but what is best for our little girl and having BOTH of her parents JOINTLY in her life, to influence her and to love her, is what is in her best interest. Many people are incapable of doing this and most judges presume the mother is the better caretaker and disregard that both parents are needed to raise a child, yet they require the non-custodial (usually the father) parent to contribute equally financially.
There are so many men who want to be fathers and who are not allowed to be, due to the vindictiveness of mothers who do not put the need of the children ahead of their own and the courts who won’t enforce equal time. So many women state that men have an obligation to support their children equally, yet they do not want to allow them to be apart of their lives equally which is truly in the childs best interest and how our justice system is allowing this is beyond me. A judge choosing women over men is unconstitutional and it’s part of the reason that so many children grow up without their fathers. There are so many men who don’t care about their children and for the ones that do care, they are punished and the children are being punished and not being afforded equal time and love from both parents. I grew up without my father, because he didn’t want to be a part of my life. It affected me so very much, but it taught me to put my daughter’s needs above my own. We can’t make men want their children, but why are we punishing the ones that do want to be a part of their childrens’ lives? Why are judges over-looking what is in the child’s best interest? Allowing one parent complete control is “NOT” in the “best interest” of any child and is actually selfish.
I am so thankful that Baldwin County has taken this approach and I can only hope this bill will push counties such as Mobile in the right direction. To take out the so called “discretion” of judges, which is just a “good ole boy” system at work. For anyone who disagrees with children having both parents, I would say that they are not looking out for the best interest of their children, but obviously their own. I would tell them it took two to make them and it takes to two raise them and that cannot be done without equal rights what kind of parent are you to not want your child to have both parents equally, to love and encourage them?
From what I have read of this bill, it would allow us to seek another modification for equal time with his children, if I am incorrect, this should be an issue that needs addressing.
